Saturday, September 24, 2005
Sexiness And Fast Food Commercials Do Not Compute
In the news today was this. Click here. Oh, for fuck's sake, it's just a little tiny article about an ad campaign in Japan for McDonald's restaurants designed to be sexy. I swear, some of you people too fucking lazy to keep breathing sometimes. For those of you who actually took the time to read the article, thank you, for letting me save some time and space by not making me recap it all for you.
So there you have it, McDonald's is launching a new sexy ad campaign in Japan. I'm not entirely sure how you people think about it.
Michael, a hot chick in a dress made to look like Ronald McDonald's iconic costume is still a hot chick. She can dip my Man McNuggets any day.
It's called pornography, people, it's all over the fucking place on the internet. If you're that hard up for some sexy women, many of who don't wear even a single stitch of clothing, look that shit up. It's so depressing seeing people turning to McDonald's commercials for titillation. I mean, seriously, there's not really much that can appear in a commercial that could possibly provide that much stimulation, erotic or otherwise.
Not only that, but consider the possibility that if it comes from McDonald's it's probably swimming in grease, making you obese, and giving you heart disease. Chew on that while you try to ogle the sexy woman in the ad. If you think hard enough you might just hear her arteries clogging. How's that for sexy?
And no matter what, all this seems like some sort of response to a Burger King ad that featured Paris Hilton fellating a Whopper, or, at the very least, dry humping it. She sure as fuck wasn't eating it because I've snapped into Slim Jims with more meat than her. It's kind of like an arms race between burger superpowers. What I don't understand is why the fuck would McDonald's even break a sweat trying to one-up a commercial featuring Paris Hilton. News flash world: Paris Hilton is a media whore and nothing she does is worth batting an eye at unless it's finally to eat a damn sandwich already.
But Michael, Paris Hilton only wants to spread joy to the world through her lovable antics and free spirit.
Shut up. It's people like you who allowed this media monster to become as big as she is. And now we have every fucking greasy ass burger joint paying homage to her bullshit with ad campaigns that have nothing the fuck to do with food. If you really want to impress me, you fucking burger magnates, why not start by paying your acne scarred front line workers a bigger piece of the profits and research better food preparation techniques so that your clientele doesn't have to die young to enjoy your "food"?
It's great to see that the money is being earmarked just right with these greedy assholes.