Cutting Edge, My Ass!

I was flipping through an old issue of Wired the other day and saw an ad for Nextfest, which is some sort of convention for brainiacs and the technologically inclined. Anyway, in the ad there was a picture of Hubo. For those of you who don't know what Hubo is, Hubo is a humanoid robot made by Kaist. And then the thought occurred to me, how long is it before we have the technology to have sex slave robots? Certainly it's not an original thought (I'm not really an original kind of guy), but it was my thought when I was looking at that picture of Hubo. Not that I think Hubo is sexually attractive. Well, okay, he/she/it is kind of hot, but where are the fucking orifices?!?!

Where was I?

So, yeah, there I was thinking, Wow, we've really come a long way with our robotic technology. We might not have sex slave robots yet, but it's only a matter of time. It's only a matter of time.

But now I wish to make my contribution to the field of robotics. Sure, I might not know shit about electronics (I still try to make toast with my DVD drive), and I sure as fuck know next to nothing when it comes to the field of programming (this site is as low-tech as a boot to the fucking skull), but I feel that I have a very valuable contribution to make to the field of robotics.

Namely, it has to do with the names that these robots are being given.

They're not sexy.

If we are ever going to achieve our lifelong dream as a species of one day creating sex slave robots we are going to need these robots to start having sexier names. Sure, we're still in the infancy of the field when it comes to articulation and whatnot, but we need to start thinking along the lines of sexy robot names because Hubo, as a name, only gives me minor wood. How the fuck am I supposed to sodomize a robot when it's sporting a name like Hubo, huh? Exactly.

So, brainiacs in the robotics industry, please refer to more porno movies before you decide on any names for your upcoming projects because so far the whole field of robots have been given dud names. There are likely to have been cavewomen who had sexier names than any of these robots. And cavewomen are the very antithesis of high tech. So how the fuck can the furry brow and knuckle-dragging cavewomen get sexier names than the fucking cutting edge robots? Huh? How the fuck?

Come on nerds, smarten up!

The Latest Calgary Trip

So on Sunday I gave my latest poetry reading in Calgary as part of the Calgary Stroll of Poets festival. I got a chance to read at Second Cup in Kensington and the place was packed. I am a bit ashamed to admit, though, that when I saw the type of audience that was in attendance I opted out of reading poems like "Vitriol," "Roll Call," and "Gnawing My Way To Freedom." There were a lot of small children and the last thing I wanted to do was to send families away with kids asking, "Mom, what's 'double-bagging' mean?"

The three poems I did pull out, then, were "Humidor," "Sorry States," and "Knot Garden."

The response I got was very positive and, like in past years, I even got to sign a book or two. Calgary always treats me well.

I think I might have to make an effort to read again down there in the not-too-distant future.