Wednesday, May 10, 2006

But Is It Art?

Britney has spoken up about the sculpture in the picture above. Yes, it is a picture of an actual sculpture of actual Britney fucking Spears giving actual fucking birth while clutching a fucking wolf's head, which, if all the accounts of the birthing Baby Cletus Federline Jr. I've read are true, is, in fact, how it happened, Britney on all fours, clutching a wolf's head and shooting out spawn like a potato gun. The sculpture is supposed to be a pro-life artistic statement of some sort and can be seen at the Capla Kesting Fine Art gallery in Brooklyn. So if you're interested in seeing a very unusual piece of art do make your way to Brooklyn to check out "Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston."

Britney says that she was "dumbfounded" by the sculpture and I'm going to avoid any clearly obvious jokes about Britney being "dumbfounded" by anything because that's just too easy.

I will, however, ponder this thing as best as I can from only having a picture of the actual piece as opposed to the piece itself.

First off, why Britney to make your pro-life statement. I mean, if you're so interested in jumping on the "every sperm is sacred" (god bless you Monty Python) movement bandwagon, why do it with a sculpture of Britney Spears giving birth? It seems to me that if you wanted to make people viewing your sculpture think that preserving all the sperm and eggs you can is the way to go you'd be better off to depict a woman whom people revere giving birth so that you can think, "Holy fuck I'm glad that woman didn't abort when she had the chance." Maybe the artist views Britney as being that woman worthy of reverence. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I really don't have a lot of respect for any work that Britney has done so I'm probably not going to look at her ejecting another materialistic celebrity baby out into the world as being a pro-life-sculpture-worthy-event (is that even a proper word with all those hyphens?).

But what do you think? When you look at that statue (is it considered a statue?) do you suddenly feel compelled to want to hug a fetus? Maybe you do. I think the message is lost on me because of how I regard the pop princess. Is that the point?

I suppose this makes it a very good piece of art because it's doing its job. It's provoking people to think. It's definitely a provocative piece.

And does anybody else wonder if it would be at all possible to get a coffee table made out of a replica of that sculpture? That would be a fucking thought-provoking surface for any living room or den.

Yep, just go right on ahead and set your beer down on Britney's back there. What? The spawn crawling out of her gaping vagina is ruining your appetite, you say? You're supposed to look at it and think that life is great, Dave. Hey wait, were you brought up in a fucking barn, asshole?! You gotta use a fucking coaster for this shit. It's a replica piece of modern pro-life art coffee table, not some milk crate from out of the dumpster. Show some fucking respect to the biological processes! Fuck!