Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Since You Asked, Here Is The Sexy Playlist On My iPod

Okay, so when I mentioned driving around listening to sexy songs recently I was asked by a few people what I meant by that. Well, the songs were sexy. There's something utterly cool about driving around town listening to songs that are sexy. Anyway, since I was asked, I thought I would go through the playlist I have on my iPod, yes there actually is one, and comment on each song's inclusion. Enjoy.

Michael's Supersexy iPod Sexy Song Playlist

1. "Closer" by: Nine Inch Nails- This one is a no-brainer. With a refrain like "I want to fuck you like an animal" how can this song not ooze sexuality? Plus as an opening aural salvo, the bassline coupled with that mechanical hissing sound are fitting.

2. "#1 Crush" by: Garbage- Shirley Manson's voice is hypnotic. Make her moan and coo for close to five minutes and you have a reason for inclusion on a list of sexy songs. Originally found on the soundtrack to Baz Luhrmann's 1996 big screen version of Romeo And Juliet, this one might be harder to locate, but it can also be found on a Garbage greatest hits package or two I suppose.

3. "Emotional Rescue" by: The Rolling Stones- I have to admit that in the wrong context this song is almost comical. Mick Jagger singing in a sort of falsetto might be a bit much, but this is still Mick Jagger, a man who had a conquest or two back in the day. He wants to be be your saviour, steadfast and true; he's come to your emotional rescue.

4. "Rev 22:20" by: Puscifer- This is Maynard James Keenan doing the title credits to a James Bond movie except instead of a typical James Bond movie where he has to save the world from a supervillain with a space laser pointed at the earth, James Bond has to have sex with a succubus. It's sacreligious, sexy, and perfect for this list. The best part goes, "Christ is coming. So am I." Oh double entendres!

5. "Book Of The Month" by: Lovage- There's a good chance that you have never heard of Lovage. It's one of Mike Patton's plethora of recording projects. In this song from their album Music To Make Love To Your Old Lady By, simplicity is defined. "You are the griddle. I am the meat." Lovage might, in fact, by my favorite of Mike Patton's projects and I hope there is a follow-up album someday.

6. "D'Yer Mak'er" by: Sheryl Crow- At the risk of becoming a pariah for preferring the Sheryl Crow cover of the Led Zeppelin classic for the purposes of this list, I have to qualify it's inclusion by saying you can probably safely substitute in the original and lose no effect, but I just like the sound of Sheryl Crow's breathy coos for this list. Overall, the Led Zeppelin original is a better song quite easily. Including the cover also gives the list some more female presence, which is always welcome when you're feeling sexy. That's just how I roll.

7. "Make It Wit Chu" by: Queens Of The Stone Age"- This song is a fine example of why Queens Of The Stone Age are one of the most versatile bands in modern rock. They can be loud and angry in one song and then go 180 degrees and come out with this, a song full of sexy guitar riffs and poor spelling.

8. "The Nurse Who Loved Me" by: A Perfect Circle- The second cover song on this list and the second song to feature the vocals of Maynard James Keenan is a love song that sounds like it would be right at home in a Tim Burton love story. "I'm taking her home with me all dressed in white. She's got everything I need, pharmacy keys. She's falling hard for me, I can see it in her eyes. She acts just like a nurse with all the other guys."

9. "Teardrop" by: Massive Attack- Really, I could include whole Massive Attack albums on this list because their sound just lends itself to sexiness. I picked "Teardrop" though for this list because Elizabeth Fraser's guest vocals on the song are so haunting. Most people will think of this song as the theme song to TV's House, which isn't sexy, and is borderline criminal. Not House, just thinking that this song is the House song and not something bigger and more important.

10. "You Shook Me All Night Long" by: AC/DC- This song is either about sex or about some sort of strange palsy. I'm inclined to believe the former. There's a reason why nine strippers out of ten chose "You Shook Me All Night Long" in a blindfold test. I'm not sure what that means, but let's leave it at if you have a strip tease to perform for anybody you could do a lot worse that picking this song to strip to.

11. "Daisy" by: Stone Temple Pilots- For the longest time I thought that this song should have had vocals of one kind or another, but now that I'm older and wiser I have decided that the guitar is too sexy to be hidden behind vocals. Instrumental bliss.

12. "Listen (Listen, Listen)" by: Wintersleep- I hope this song satisfies Canadian content laws otherwise I'm screwed. Seriously, though, this song is fucking intense. Sparse intrumentals and slow, deliberate vocals. This is a song for when you are isolated with the one you love.

13. "Ulysses" by: Franz Ferdinand- A newer song on the list. The opening bars with it's throbbing bassline are infectious. There's something kind of high class scummy about this song that I can't put a finger on. "C'mon doll and use me; I don't need your sympathy."

14. "Zero" by: Yeah Yeah Yeahs- Karen O is sexy. She seems like the kind of lady who could break a man in half. In "Zero" we find Karen singing the praises of leather and raising her vocals to ecstastic screams every chance she gets. "Try and hit the spot. Get to know it in the dark. Get to know it whether you're crying, crying, crying, oh oh. Can you climb, climb, climb higher?" Right in half quite easily I think.

15. "Lover's Day" by: TV On The Radio- This is the only song on the list that sounds like I could be backed by a marching band. TV On The Radio have a sound that is all their own. At the 3:50 mark this song become transcendent. If you can picture two people having sex and both of them having huge, almost surreal grins while doing so, that's the only way I can think of describing the last two minutes of the song.

16. "Grindhouse (Main Titles)" by: Robert Rodriguez- The opening credits to the "Planet Terror" portion of Grindhouse is all about the saxophone. If you saw the movie you might have noticed Rose McGowan doing a striptease to this song at the start of the movie. She was the one stripper out of ten who didn't choose "You Shook Me All Night Long" and I think she might have a pretty good argument.

So there, you have it. Go out there, find these songs, put them together and have a sexy time. I think I need to go smoke a cigarette now. And possibly take a cold shower. Until next time, folks!