Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Battle Of The Cultural Monsters

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Have you ever seen one of those movies the revolve around a fight between two sides that you don't want to see win? A good example is a movie like Freddy Vs Jason or even any number of those Japanese monster movies where the two larger-than-life monsters square off in a fight that brings nothing but distruction to the Japanese countryside. Ooo. Ooo. Or how about Alien Vs Predator? The point is that I'm describing a movie where two evil, evil forces square off against each other and you just don't know who to cheer for or even why for that matter.

That's the story I have for you tonight.

Two sick, twisted, evil, revolting entities are, quite possibly, getting ready to do battle in a courtroom setting. And you know what? Much like the tagline for the aforementioned Alien Vs Predator movie: Whoever wins...we lose. The combatants in this fight for ultimate evil? Barbara Streisand and Barbara Streisand fans.

That's right Barbara Streisand. Barbara Streisand fans.

Whoever win...we lose.

Okay Michael, we get it. That crusty hideous 'diva' Barbara Streisand is evil incarnate. But her fans? Why, they're just a bunch of yuppie diva wanna-be's. Ohhhhhh, I see where you're going with this. They're evil because they're a bunch of yuppie diva wanna-be's.

Wow, you're getting good at this.

But no, not all of Bab's (I should almost punch myself in the testicles for referring to her as 'Babs') fans are yuppie diva wanna-be's. I'm sure there are fans of her work from all walks of life, but this story concerns a specific sect of her fans. The fans who could not only afford to throw away thousands of dollars to see the last shows she ever performed live back in 1999, but also afford the thousands and thousands of dollars it will take to sue the retired diva because she has just announced a new tour, thus negating those "final" live shows as being "final" live shows back in 1999.

So, there you have it, a bunch of Streisand's fans are threatening to sue her because they spent all that disposable income on tickets to her last shows ever just so that they could brag to friends that they got to see her last shows, which I'm sure led to numerous punches to the testicles and/or beef curtains because there is nary an evil force more annoying than somebody who brags about getting to see a Barbara Streisand concert.

On one hand, if Streisand wins the threatened litigation a bunch of people with too much money and who, for some insane reason, like Barbara Streisand, lose even more money, which is good because it would teach them all a valuable lesson about tying up the legal system with squabbles over what constitutes a "final" concert. On the other hand, if the fans win this battle, maybe Barbara Streisand will be forced to cancel her tour (it couldhappen!) and I won't have to listen to people at parties bragging about how they saw Barbara Streisand in concert, and it would probably cost the diva a lot of money, which she definitely has too much of.

So who the fuck is a guy supposed to cheer for here? Does my desire to see a bunch of yuppies humiliated in court outweigh my desire to see Barbara Streisand humiliated in court?

Whoever wins...we lose.

1 comment:

Emerson_Emergency said...

Beef Curtains???

BAH HA ha..... That's totally awesome. My favorite was the furrogi, but now...I'm torn like labia after childbirth.

*weak cymbal smash*