Sunday, April 09, 2006

Gnawing My Way To Freedom

Gnawing My Way To Freedom
If I had known back then what I know now

I would have double-bagged it with you,
triple-bagged it with you,
sealed the base off with a length of duct tape
from my department of homeland security home starter kit,
established a thirty-foot perimeter of razor wire,
anti-personnel mines,
guard dogs
and short-tempered security guards,
who, in essence, would just be paid to deploy tasers first,
ask questions later.

I would have thrown it in a safe,
hid the safe in a concrete bunker
buried down deep with Jimmy Hoffa bones
and any shred of dignity that I had left.

I would have crossed my fingers,
kissed a mangy rabbit’s foot,
swore to a higher power,
become the devoutest of Catholic sodomites,
praying for you to not breathe on me so much
while we made love
the way zoo animals do or
PCP-crazed chocoholics might,
me, doubled-over, in a pool of my own sweat,
you in your leather harness
and monogrammed rubber gloves.

I would have lopped it off with rusty pinking shears
and made confetti of it with an angry wood chipper
and closed eyes.



There’s a reason why the surgeon general warns against huffing paint thinner with maneaters.

And, trying not to wake you as I escape into the morning,
wondering what my shoulder tastes like
and if I will ever actually need my left arm again.


Gravel said...

I like this one. Humorous yet sinister. Very nice.

Anonymous said...

For the longest time I thought I was the only one with monogrammed rubber gloves. I feel better about my weirdness now thanks stranger.

Michael said...

I'm debating making the monogrammed rubber gloves into a monogrammed strap-on dildo because that just seems a little more brutally depraved.

Selina said...

Why, oh why, wasn't this posted in time for my RMR! reading? Now I'll just have to read you again sometime because I have a new favorite (second favorite poem).

I'm not sure about when I'll have a theme based around disease control though...

Emerson_Emergency said...

Very sinister and ...sardonically lovely? I enjoyed it.