Friday, November 18, 2005

Pornography Storm!

While browsing through Fark tonight I stumbled upon an interesting article that was posted on some sort of religious website. Here's the link to the article in case you want to read it...

Click here.

To sum it up, though, what's written is basically that there is a leading Catholic cardinal who is warning parents about the dangers of giving their children wireless devices as gifts this coming holiday season. Why the warning, you ask? Well, it seems that devices like iPods, cell phones, PSP's and the whole array of shit like that make it a lot simpler for pornography to fall into innocent hands.

First of all, welcome to the age of technology, Catholicism. It's nice to finally have you on board. Pornography in the hands of children, you say? Oh my god! The humanity!

How long have we had the internet for? Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't the internet been around for a while now? How many fucking people are left who haven't at least heard of the internet? Not many I reckon.

So how the fuck is pornography falling into the wrong hands suddenly a menace worth warning parents about? You see, don't get me wrong, there is too much porn within eyesight of people who aren't old enough to really understand what it's all about, but unless you've been living in a cave where the only porn is some sort of scantily clad glyph you're probably aware that getting porn is almost easier than breathing. If you're so behind on what technology is capable of you might want to trade your children in for a puppy and leave the parenting to somebody who's a little more equipped for these modern times.

Also, I'll admit that I don't have a lot of these new-fangled gizmos in my possession, but from what I do know, these devices all have really small screens. I think that if your child is getting porn on one of these devices and can actually make out what's happening and be aroused by any of the teeny-weeny dimensions of it all I say you should pat yourself on the back for having a child with a strong imagination. I try to take pictures with my cell phone and it all come out looking like fucking mud it's so pixellated and distorted. Fucking mud, I kid you not.

If the children switch getting their porn from the internet on a full size screen of a computer monitor to a puny cell phone I say good on them for cutting down on their porn intake. Literally.

Finally, when the fuck is this "perfect storm" of pornography going to hit me? The cardinal in the article mentioned the "perfect storm" that is about to hit and I haven't seen a nipple slip or ass cheek of it yet. And I'm always looking for a nipple slip and ass cheek. Seriously, though, don't ask me what constitutes a perfect storm of pornography or what the fuck it looks like, but I imagine it's sexy.

Anything to get rid of the barrage of war images and hotel bombings.

If all else fails just make your kid walk around with a blindfold wrapped around his/her head until the age of 18. No exceptions and definitely no pornography ruining them for life. If that's what ruins people for life.


Anonymous said...

So what? Stealing a wet and bloated copy of Swank froms a bums cart is too good for kids today? Well fuck them.

Michael said...

It just goes to show you how lazy kids are when it comes to getting their porn. Back in my day we had to work hard to even get a glimpse of a nipple or (gasp!) full on pubic hair. Nowadays technology has made it all too easy.

Anonymous said...

Yeah the first time I saw a dick I shit my pants. On the other hand maybe I will go get me one of those psp's and stricley use it for porn.