Friday, September 30, 2005

Un-Rated, Extreme, Couldn't Show You This In The Theater Versions!

Coming soon to DVD, see the version of the movie that was too extreme to see in theaters. We're talking unrated, over-the-top footage that we could never slip by the censors. That's why this version is UN-RATED!

Increasiningly, I am getting annoyed with words like these being used to describe upcoming DVD releases. When I first started seeing "Un-Rated" DVD advertisements on television I used to think, Wow, that's going to be hot. There's probably going to people fucking and tits and ass all over the place. They'll probably have to end up selling the movie in a porno shop. But you know what? I watched a few of them and I began to see a fucking pattern. The movies were never really that extreme.

In fact, watching most of the so-called "Un-Rated" versions of the movies I couldn't even figure out why censors wouldn't let them run all the "extreme" footage. At most it would garner a movie an R rating, which really wouldn't put it over the top with the censors. It would just be an R rating. Big fucking deal. But you listen to the advertising and you'd think that it would cause most censors to commit suicide for desensitizing them so much to extreme footage that it would jeopardize their careers.

Now, that's not to say that all "Un-Rated" DVDs don't have some footage that would probably get red-lighted by a censor. What I am saying is that there is a trend now for more and more movies that are, for all intents and purposes, tame to get slapped with the "Un-Rated" label when they're marketing the DVD version just for the appeal of looking like a movie with balls.

Will Hollywood listen to me and stop with the "Un-Rated" hype? No, but I can complain about it here. Unless it has Tara Reid's nipple scar up close and personal it's probably not that extreme that I can't handle seeing it. Seriously, she should apply some foundation to that thing and at least try to make it look natural. Guh!

I'm just saying is all.


Prairie Dog said...

I hear ya. I was always a sucker for the "unrated edition" throwing away my old copy and purchasing the new UNrated version that was released 6 months later because I am sure it will contain closeup penetration shots and perhaps even some fisting.

It took me a while to learn that for the most part the whole unrated thing is bullshit. It is nothing more than a way to make idiots (like me) buy the same movie twice. Unrated automatically makes us think it will contain things that we as viewers should never see, like hollywood actors pissing in eachothers mouths and sodomizing kittens. In fact all it means by calling your movie unrated is that this version was never submitted to the censors to recieve a rating. By this we could see a new version of Bambi one day (for example) be released with an alternate title sequence and one additional scene that was never before seen by anyone. This additional scene could just be bambi dancing about the forest with all his friends or something wholesome like that. Then, because this version was never submitted for review they could then release this as BAMBI - Unrated Version. Kids would buy this off the shelf like crazy, thinking that the gore was increased and they might be able to see Thumper hump something. I admit I would even be intrigued by a DVD case which suggests this is the BAMBI the censors didnt want me to see.

Prairie Dog said...

And regarding Tara Reid. Poor dumb cunt. (Is it ok if I use the word cunt in your comments?) How sad is it for her that no matter what this marginally famous chick does in the future she will always be best known for her "nipple slip" (damn I hate that term)

Seeing that messed up boob scarred my mind almost as bad as it scarred her tit.

Too drunk, Too Anonymous said...

One time only is a confession right here. I resisted owning the movie before but the third round of special features was too much. I bought it. Let me tell you I was disappointed as E.T.'s sex slave. NO good I screamed. I thought I was just the dude but heres the voice.

Michael said...

Certain phrases ought to be stricken from the Hollywood vernacular and "Un-rated" is quickly becoming one of those phrases, if it isn't already one. Referring to Tara Reid as a cunt is not only tolerated, but it's openly encouraged. As for E.T.'s sex slave, well, I suppose E.T. wouldn't be that hard to please since he almost seems of below average intelligence seeing as how he contented himself by hanging out with a bunch of stupid kids when any smart alien would have known they could have parlayed their uniqueness into a guest room at the Playboy Mansion.

Im lazy and Anonymous said...

Those assholes in suits who dream ads up for the unsupecting folk, Use buzzwords like 'Improved' or 'Fuck your mom' or 'Unrated' are using advertising buzzwords. Words that mean nothing but something. Its really quite great and is what makes America Jr. so good to the feel.