The Real Sin City

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An article in the Detroit News, which is by far the most clever name for a newspaper ever, has labeled Windsor, Ontario as a sort of hedonistic hotbed of sin and numerous vices. I mean think about it, just across the Canada-United States border from Detroit perfectly legal sex-for-money escort services and Cuban cigars can be had. This, of course, is brought to the forefront as men flock to Detroit in time for Super Bowl XL. And, all of this, of course, upsets the mayor of Windsor.

All I have to say about this is: Why?

Oh, boo-hoo, some media in Detroit have called my city, MY CITY, the Super Sin City because escorts here can legally fuck you for money, we sell Cuban cigars, our beer isn't American, and we have strippers dancing like there's no tomorrow. Oh, woe is me! Whatever will Mommy and Daddy think of my beloved city if all we have are escorts, cigars, beer, and strippers.

Rich! That's what, you stupid moron. Fuck, if my city was being shunned for its sex and cigars just in time for Super Bowl you better believe that I would start an ad campaign singing the praises of sex and cigars just for all that American testerone bag male tourist money. I'd be on television as much as possible in Detroit yelling, "Come up north, fellas, we have all the Cuban cigars, sex, Canadian beer, and strippers you could possibly want! This is the fucking place to be Super Bowl week!" There would be strippers and escorts getting each other off with Cuban cigars in the foreground, in the background. Hell, a couple of them would probably be using some sort of strap-on Cuban cigar dealy they'd refer to as the Cuban Strap-On Crisis. Above all else, though, you hear them moaning over pints of Molson, "Cum to Canada! Cum to Canada! Oh God, yes! Cum to Canada!"

I guarantee you that Super Bowl week would be a week of economic boom in Windsor thanks to horny tourists visiting Detroit for the Super Bowl.

I mean what the fuck is the big fucking deal? You have sex-for-money escorts, tons of strippers, Cuban cigars and beer that isn't watered down to the point of being Perrier with a Budweiser label. Not a word of the article is a lie so why get all bent out of shape about it? There are fucking hundreds of thousands, maybe millions of dollars to be made from American men looking for their jollies come Super Bowl week and suddenly you want your city to be seen as some sort of bastion of high morality and fucking family values? Who exactly votes people like you into office?

Ewwwwww! Ewwwwww! Tourism profits! Get it away! Get it away! Ewwwwww!

I guess it all just goes to show you that politicians can be idiots as much as everyday people like you and me.