I read recently on the Internet Movie Database that Echostar Communications Corporation, which operates the Dish network in the United States will begin a promotion that would see any town that permanently renames itself Dish receive free satellite receivers in every one of its households so long as the town applies for the promotion by November 1. Wow. That's so generous.
So let me get this straight, Echostar Communications Corporation, we sell, as a township, our collective dignity by giving ourselves a suck-ass name permanently and you, in turn, will give us free satellite receivers so that we have, at our fingertips, 500 channels of horseshit? Fucking awesome! Where do we sign up?
And you just know that the satellite receivers probably don't cost a whole hell of a lot to the company itself. Most of them are probably refurbished. Not only that, but Dish network is a subscription service, so while the receivers may be free, pretty much anything that you would want to watch with them will cost you. So the corporation gets to use your town as large scale advertising space and a big, old publicity stunt and you get to watch reruns of "Who's The Boss" and "The Price Is Right." Yeah, you have fun with that, assholes.
Let me take this opportunity to announce my newest promotion. That being that I will gladly supply a lifetime supply of self addressed stamped envelopes to every citizen living in a town that permanently renames itself Michael Appleby Town. Why the self addressed stamped envelopes? Naturally so that every single one of you can mail me money for being the magnificent motherfucker that I always am.
You see? It just doesn't sound right. That's essentially what's happening here, though.
I just hope that whichever towns do take part in this get all of their citizens together in one location for a huge group photo of the whole town posing with their free satellite receivers and yelling
We love "Who's The Boss?" and the "Saved By The Bell Channel." Don't call us corporate whores!
I would just love to look at a group picture of all those happy people with their happy little satellite receivers and have myself a good laugh.