Friday, August 26, 2005

Self Addressed Stamped Envelopes For All

I read recently on the Internet Movie Database that Echostar Communications Corporation, which operates the Dish network in the United States will begin a promotion that would see any town that permanently renames itself Dish receive free satellite receivers in every one of its households so long as the town applies for the promotion by November 1. Wow. That's so generous.

So let me get this straight, Echostar Communications Corporation, we sell, as a township, our collective dignity by giving ourselves a suck-ass name permanently and you, in turn, will give us free satellite receivers so that we have, at our fingertips, 500 channels of horseshit? Fucking awesome! Where do we sign up?

And you just know that the satellite receivers probably don't cost a whole hell of a lot to the company itself. Most of them are probably refurbished. Not only that, but Dish network is a subscription service, so while the receivers may be free, pretty much anything that you would want to watch with them will cost you. So the corporation gets to use your town as large scale advertising space and a big, old publicity stunt and you get to watch reruns of "Who's The Boss" and "The Price Is Right." Yeah, you have fun with that, assholes.

Let me take this opportunity to announce my newest promotion. That being that I will gladly supply a lifetime supply of self addressed stamped envelopes to every citizen living in a town that permanently renames itself Michael Appleby Town. Why the self addressed stamped envelopes? Naturally so that every single one of you can mail me money for being the magnificent motherfucker that I always am.

You see? It just doesn't sound right. That's essentially what's happening here, though.

I just hope that whichever towns do take part in this get all of their citizens together in one location for a huge group photo of the whole town posing with their free satellite receivers and yelling

We love "Who's The Boss?" and the "Saved By The Bell Channel." Don't call us corporate whores!

I would just love to look at a group picture of all those happy people with their happy little satellite receivers and have myself a good laugh.

Knobs.

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

you know what town name I love?
Biggar. "New York is big but we're Bigger"
Thats what this country needs more of. Fuck the man and his stupid fucking promotions. He can suck my balls. GRRRRRRR

Michael said...

I can live with the fact that corporations need to advertise, but I absolutely hate it when they creative with how they advertise and come up with ways to make huge swathes of the general public into little corporate whores.

nilos said...

so... how exactly do we get our hands on these self addressed stamped envelopes? and is it possible to get two??

Im a sucka for free shit :)

-/\/ /<

nilos said...

oh, yah... and yes mikey, you are a magnificent motherfucker

-/\/ /<

Michael said...

It's quite simple, my friend. Petition your local mayor to have the city or town in which you live to rename itself Michael Appleby Town, or I would even accept Michael Appleby Owns You Ville as a possible substition in case Michael Appleby Town is a bit of a mouthful. Once that is done, it'll be SASE city!

Anonymous said...

I thought nilos said he was never coming back....?

nilos said...

i never said i wasnt coming back... i said i wasnt posting any longer. but as it turns out, i enjoy adding my weak two bits, so i think i might keep posting. plus, the extra step we need to go through in posting comments is that much more fun :)

Michael said...

I'm glad that my anti-spamming measures are proving to be comment forum fun for everyone! I think if I can somehow implement even more steps into the process of posting a comment I could turn this into some sort of amusement park of the internet where people go just to go through a bunch of red tape bullshit just so that I can filter out people trying to post links to penile enlargement pill ads.

Anonymous said...

Like I said before and I will say again. Get a fucking blog where that shit dont happen. I have had a blog for over a year and never ever heard of that. But this anymous shit is nice too ;)

Oh and Nilos whatever eat your own dick cause no one gives a fuck what you think.

Michael said...

You can sign in a name if you make a few clicks I think.

Take it easy on Nilos, he's just being Nilos.

Anonymous said...

Take it easy dont let the sound of your voice drive you crazy. I like anonymous. Looking back all the anonymous posts are mine so it is technically my name.

Michael said...

So just out of curiosity, who are you "anonymous"? I had a theory about who the anonymous poster was, but I check my statcounter and I had you pegged in the wrong city, which blew my theory out of the water.

Anonymous said...

I dont think it matters. I like your blog I like the anonymous handle and really quite frankly my dear if you dont know who this is...Well Im a little choked is all.

Not really I just think its funny.

Michael said...

Okay. Okay. I won't really press you for details if you don't want to give the details. Thank you for your kind words. I'm still very new to the whole world of blogging so it's nice to have people encouraging me early on.