First off, I just wanted to thank all of you who have contacted me to find out what's been up with me and why I haven't been updating my page very frequently of late, sending me Are you okay? emails, passing along 24-hour psychiatric helpline numbers, and whatnot. Please rest assured that I'm not trapped at the bottom of a well and I haven't fallen resulting in my inabiliy to get up (I wonder whatever happened to that woman from all those years ago).
Anyway, maybe it's my impending birthday. Maybe it's the seasonal shift. Maybe it's my job. The weather. The holiday. The fact that I live in a basement. The diet. The bad sleeping habits.
But I think I'm actually battling a bit of depression. Really, I haven't felt like doing very much at all. Hmmmmm...maybe it's lethargy. Or just assholishness (is that even a word).
I don't want anybody to worry, though. I mean it's not that I'm never happy. I just get moody and introspective and it makes my brain awful company to be with (and I have to be with that fucker 24/7).
What I do want all of you to know is that I'm not going to take this blah dominating everything for very long. I'm kind of come up with a plan to overcome.
I do want all of you to know that if I'm acting aloof, distant, you can't get a hold of me, or if you talk to me and I lose myself in the conversation, if any of that kind of stuff happens, that I am sorry for that whatever it is. Also, please accept that as my reason for being so hard to communicate with lately, why this page has kind of been left to gather dust for almost 2 weeks. So on, so on. Talking to people who are daydreaming or off in the la-la's can be frustrating. I'm a frustrating person to be around sometimes.
Now, to combat my little bit of sadness I'm going with a few resolutions that I'm going to start on as soon as I can. Namely, I'm going to force myself to write more (it can be anything at this point, I really just need to get my hands moving and my brain thinking like I know it's capable of thinking), though I really want to get down to my novel Chicken Little, I also intend of getting back to the gym as often as I used to, which just changes my whole self esteem entirely, and I'm going to alter my diet to allow me to eat regularly and drink more water, less soda. The sleep issue may be somewhat of a lost battle at this point so I'll try to let it slide for a bit here. I might also try tanning (at the suggestion of a friend) because I understand that sunlight, albeit artificial sunlight, help immensely with feeling the way that I do.
Okay, there, that feels a bit better. I hate doing updates like this on my page, but I just wanted to ease people's minds who may have been a bit worried and this seemed like a good way to go about doing that. Maybe I'll delete this post when it becomes a reminder of a bad time in my mental health.
I'll keep you posted on how my resolutions go.