I'm not sure what made me think of this instance, but it was one of those moments when you think of the perfect comeback only it's months later and you have a beard or you're drunk in bed with some hooker who looked a lot better when you spotted her underneath the streetlight than she does in your bedroom. Wait a minute, what the hell do beards and hookers have to do with this little post? Okay, forget that I mentioned beards and/or hookers at all. I suppose my delete button could make you omit that from your memory, but I'm on a tangent right now and I have to roll with it.
So anyway, bearded hookers got their humble beginnings in 1912, when a much overlooked streetwalker forgot to shave for three months and happened upon a strapping young pervert by the name of Wendel and they....
Bwahahaha, I'm just joking with you. Seriously, this post has nothing to do with hookers or beards.
So anyway, just tonight I was thinking back to this one occurrence at the casino where I work. I work in a casino, by the way. This one time I actually had a customer stop me to complain about the long time she had to wait for customer service. Now that I'm in the twilight years of my twenties my memory isn't entirely accurate, so I will quote her as saying the following, though it's not verbatim. This is what she said:
"You guys should have more staff on duty this time every month because this is when the welfare cheques go out."
Now, bear in mind that's not a verbatim quote from the lady. She wasn't quite that eloquent and I'm sure there a lot more expletives peppered throughout her little tirade that followed. But the important part was the part about the welfare cheques.
Welfare cheques. This lady was obviously gambling with the money she got from her monthly welfare cheque.
"You're absolutely right, Miss. I'm sorry about the delay in service. I will see to it that my staff addresses your problem right away."
That quote from me is probably verbatim. It's almost a form letter for me to say that to people who complain about service.
Then I thought about it later and the comeback I should have used was:
"Stop gambling with my tax money!"
But now, tonight, I came up with a better, more eloquent way to address the lady's concerns:
"I apologize for the lack of speed on our part, Miss. We are short-staffed, as are many places. This is due to a booming economy here in Alberta where there are too many jobs available and not enough people to fill them all. If the speed of our service is of such concern to you perhaps I could interest you in a job here. I could make sure to schedule you to work this time every month, when the welfare cheques are sent so that all the people who are blissfully unaware of what welfare is intended for can come flush away government assistance more effieciently."
Yeah, that would have been the perfect thing to say. Sigh. I kind of wish I could go back in time a few months just so that I could say that to her face.
So lady, if you're out there and you're reading this post, job applications are at the front desk on your way in and
Stop gambling with my tax money!